With the recent passing of Mother’s Day and the rapid approach of Father’s Day, I have been contemplating the role of a parent. In fact, I believe that being a parent is perhaps the most important role in our lives! Although we may consider our career to be the salient definition of who we are and the difference we make in the world, I suggest our legacy as a mother or a father is perhaps more important.
After three decades of working as I psychologist in the school system, I looked back on those years with pride. I initiated several programs, continually updated my skills, and helped many children not only cope, but also thrive in spite of the obstacles that lay before them. My intern assumed my position with great passion and creativity. I learned that I was expendable.
However, as a mother, I have always been and remain vital in my children’s lives. No one can take my place! I have learned that being a mother is a gift from God. As infants, our children are born to us with their own unique personalities, gifts, and passions. A parents’ role is to identify their children’s uniqueness, encourage their individuality, and help them to thrive, while they journey throughout childhood and adolescence. We as parents give our children roots by surrounding them with unconditional love and a strong sense of belonging and of safety. We don’t ever attempt to make them into somebody we want them to be, but someone they are proud to be. Then, as they enter adolescence, we slowly give them wings so they can become the people they are meant to be.
I have often thought how hard it must have been for my grandparents to come to terms with Barton’s life choices. Barton was their golden child, the one with the greatest gifts and most promise. He was groomed to be his father’s successor as the CEO of the lucrative family company. But instead, Barton chose to put himself in harm’s way by volunteering in the Spanish Civil War, which ultimately took his life at the age of 23. His parents’ grief was overwhelming, yet they learned that their son was created to nurture and serve the oppressed and helpless. During his short life, Barton saved 5,000 Spanish children and created a blueprint that continues to be utilized by Plan International in 50 countries today.
Sometimes being a parent is like riding on a roller coaster. There are indeed ups and downs as I accompanied them on their journey. I was careful never to judge them, but instead gently guide them. When they become adults, I was thrilled to see how they have been able to weave the intricate parts of their personality, passions, and gifts together in creating full and meaningful lives. Most importantly, I am thrilled to watch my children as parents!! Their parenting methods are very similar to those that I employed as a mother! I truly believe that the unconditional love, sense of safety and belonging, and desire to nurture their children’s uniqueness, will continue for many more generations. I am filled to the brim with the love of and pride for my children and grandchildren. They are my most important legacy!
